A recipe for connection

Photo: My Own Sweet Thyme Gingerbread Load

My grandmother Geraldine Helen Crate taught me an enormous amount about gathering people together in ways that fed their bellies and their souls. She spent much of her life in the kitchen, stirring a pot of bean soup or beef stew on cold days, frying chicken and making biscuits, rolling hundreds of miniature sausage and cheese balls for a holiday party.

She set a beautiful table, full of decorations, and she often knew what people needed before they knew it themselves. She was a generous and welcoming host, always asking thoughtful questions and settling people in to the gathering gently and slowly. I inherited my love of cooking from her, gathering a group together at my long table with mismatched chairs, and feeding them food I put my heart into, often with ingredients from the bounty of my garden.

While my grandmother taught me how to cook, my grandfather James Crate nurtured in me the desire to talk together about things that matter, even when we don't agree. He would fill the bowl of his pipe, and light it, puffing away slowly as he listened to my passion, concern or excitement about an issue. He would ask thoughtful, deep questions and sit attentively as I answered. He often didn't agree with my views, but he always treated me with love and kindness, offering a different perspective to my own, and encouraged me to understand it deeply rather than pass judgement.

As we enter the holiday season, in memory of my grandparents, here are some suggestions for questions that create connection around your holiday table, and a recipe for my grandmother's gingerbread cake, best served warm with whipped cream.

Questions for Connection at your holiday table

• What is your favourite holiday ritual?
• What is a memory of a favourite holiday meal? What did you eat? Where were you? Who were you with? What makes it so memorable?
• What was the best present you received as a child?
• What is the funniest gift you've ever received?
• Would you rather wrap presents or untangle strings of lights?
• If you could make your own holiday what would you celebrate?
• What is your perfect day in meals? What would you eat? Where? Who would you share it with?
• What part of the holidays feels most meaningful for you? Why?
• Who or what has made your year a little brighter? 
• What is one thing you are looking forward to in the new year?

Gerry Crate's Gingerbread Loaf (adapted by Steph)

My grandmother made a lot of amazing food, and so much of it is tied to memories of gatherings. This gingerbread load was often served over the holidays, warm out of the oven with whipped cream or vanilla ice cream. We sometimes had it after church on Christmas Eve, or after wandering the neighbourhood singing holiday songs. I'm celiac so I've adapted her recipe to be gluten free and added a pinch or two of alternate spice, but the love you put into the recipe is what makes it special. Enjoy!

• 2 cups flour (we use Bob's Red Mill gluten free baking flour)
• 1.5 tsp baking soda
• 2 tsps ginger
• 1 tsp cinnamon
• 1/4 tsp cloves
• 1/4 tsp allspice
• 1 Tbsp cocoa powder
• a pinch of chilli powder (Gerry Crate didn't add this)
• 1/2 tsp salt
• 1/3 cup sugar (my grandmother used granulated sugar but I like the deep taste of brown sugar)
• 1/2 cup butter softened (my grandmother used crisco but I prefer butter)
• 3/4 cup molasses
• 3/4 cup hot water
• whipped cream with real vanilla bean for topping

Preheat the oven to 350 and line a loaf pan with parchment paper.

Whisk all the dry ingredients together and set aside. Beat the butter with the sugar and then add the eggs, adding the molasses until well combined. Add in dry ingredients slowly until combined. Add the hot water and make sure everything mixes well.

Pour into loaf pan and bake 50-60 minutes (my oven always takes 60 minutes) or until a toothpick comes out clean. Let it cool slightly and serve it warm with whipped cream.